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The Importance of Friendships When You Are Struggling with Infertility

Elizabeth Willett - M.A., Certified Herbalist
July 17, 2021
Reviewed by Christine Traxler, MD

Infertility and pregnancy loss cause emotional, physical, and financial strain, not to mention posing a threat to intimate relationships, but also to relationships with family and friends. Society mostly focuses on the physical and financial aspects of this journey, but often fails to acknowledge the grief that accompanies infertility. One of the most painful aspects of infertility is how it can disrupt friendships and relationships with family members.

Those who feel they have been denied parenthood tend to distance themselves from or shut out those they were once close to, hide their sorrow, or experience a side of their personalities they didn’t know existed (like being bitter or resentful of others). Each person’s experience of their emotions may in turn increase their feelings of shame and isolation.

The Deep Emotions of Infertility

Researchers have identified eight types of loss for an average man or woman that can lead to depression. They know that of those eight, infertile individuals experience them all, possibly all of them at the same time.

The Eight Types of Loss:

  • self-esteem
  • status
  • health or an acceptable body image
  • control
  • security
  • important fantasies
  • someone or something of symbolic value
  • important relationships

 

β€œI get by with a little help from my friends.” – John Lennon

 

Finding others dealing with infertility can help you see that fertility problems are not something just you and your partner deal with and can affirm your disappointment, making it understandable. Understand though, that the friends you had before you started your fertility journey and your family members, even your partner, know you for who you really are – your beliefs, ethics and morals, your passions, your likes and dislikes, your heart’s truest desires.

Be Gentle With Yourself – A Tender Heart Goes a Long Way

The loss of your long-time friendships and the distancing of family members does not have to happen. The people who have stood by you through thick and thin, through life event after life event, can be right by your side through infertility as well.

More than likely, when someone hasn’t experienced the pain of infertility, they may not understand the way you feel – they haven’t been through the events you’ve experienced on this journey. They don’t know firsthand what it’s like. They may say things that you feel are inappropriate and hurt you. They are human, just like you. No one can expect others to understand how infertility feels unless they have been through it. Opening up about your personal feelings may help others to understand the situation you are in.

Help your friends and family members understand that you are going to have your own feelings about the experiences you go through on this journey. Help them understand why you keep enduring more testing and keep trying new ways to help achieve your dream of becoming a parent. Help them know that it is sometimes best to just listen and not to force you to talk about your feelings and experiences when you don’t bring them up or don’t want to.

Remember, they cannot know firsthand how you feel unless you tell them. Even when how they act or what they say sets off a cascade of emotions, I can guarantee you they didn’t mean to be hurtful and that they still want to be a good friend – to offer you affection, show you respect, to support you and help you when you need help, to be in your good graces.

Your friends and family members are important; they allow for you to express emotion and pain without judgment, they can bring positivity and optimism to your life, help you by simply doing nothing but listen, even provide a distraction – like a coffee, lunch, dinner date, or offer you a chance to focus on someone else’s needs.

β€œI would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

The Other Side of the Coin

If you are reading this and you have a partner, friend, or family member struggling with infertility, affirm their importance to you personally, help them know that you love and accept them not as an infertile person, but for who they are; listen without speaking, ask them to help you understand what they are going through, and know that you can’t solve their infertility or help by yourself – there may be a team of specialists needed (doctor, therapist, herbalist, partner, mother, egg donor, etc.).

I know that not everyone who reads this article will automatically hear the theme song from the 1990s television sitcom Friends, I’ll Be There For You, play in their head, but I wish you could. Not everyone who reads this article will hear Phil Collins sing You’ll Be in My Heart from the animated children’s movie Tarzan either. What I hope though, is that everyone knows what friendship means to them. I hope after reading this, that if you realize you need to heal a relationship or call an old friend, that you will.

β€œ…No words describe a mother’s tears, no one can heal a broken heart… I know we’re different, but deep inside us we’re not that different at all…” – Phil Collins

References

  • Abbey, A., Andrews, F. M., & Halman, L. J. (1991). The Importance of Social Relationships for Infertile Couples’ Well-Being. Infertility, 61-86. doi:10.1007/978-1-4899-0753-0_4. Retrieved from: https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4899-0753-0_4
  • Support Groups: A Place to Find Strength, Friendship, and Hope. (n.d.). Retrieved from: https://resolve.org/support/resolve-support-groups/personal-story-support-groups/
  • Rouff, L. PhD. (2012, October 19). The Infertility Therapist – “Fertility envy”, infertility and friendships. Retrieved from: http://theinfertilitytherapist.blogspot.com/2012/10/fertility-envy-infertility-and.html

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About the Author

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Elizabeth Willett - M.A., Certified Herbalist

Elizabeth Willett is the Senior Herbalist and Lead Educator at NaturalFertilityInfo.com. She holds a BS in Mass Communications (2000) from Minnesota State University, and a Master of Arts degree (MA, 2010) in Holistic Health Studies with a specialization is herbalism from St. Catherine University in St. Paul, MN. Liz has written over 200 articles on women's fertility and brings a vast wealth of knowledge and expertise in holistic health and healing to Natural Fertility Info.com

5 Steps To Improve Your Fertility Naturally

  • Learn the 5 different areas to focus on for optimal fertility health
  • Learn how to support hormonal health with herbs and essential oils
  • Tips on transitioning to a whole food fertility diet.
  • Self-care therapies to support your reproductive health

@NaturalFertilityInfo

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May 31

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This is my go-to breakfast that I have everyday. Filled with healthy fats, tons of fiber and maybe the tastiest thing you will eat all day. Recipe coming soon!

*I only defrost the fruit because it is frozen. You can use fresh fruit and there is no need to "defrost".

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May 30

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It's better to start today rather than wait until tomorrow...

Wondering how to get started? 

You have a couple of options πŸ‘‡πŸ½

➑️ Type STEPS in the comments below to join my free mini-course - 5 Steps To Improve Your Fertility Naturally, where I go into detail on each of the steps you can take to support your fertility cycle. 

➑️ Check out my website and follow one of my hundreds of guides. 

➑️ Book a consultation and have a custom fertility program created for you.

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May 30

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The Drop Cycle Methodβ„’ Program includes:

➑️ Drop Cycle Methodβ„’ Workshop: Led by Hethir Rodriguez, this in-depth, step-by-step workshop teaches you the fundamentals of self-acupressure and aromatherapy for fertility.

➑️ Fertilica Acu-Penβ„’: Effortlessly perform self-acupressure with this innovative tool, featuring two interchangeable heads for precision and comfort.

➑️ Radiant Wombβ„’ Essential Oil Blend: Specially designed for the follicular phase (the first two weeks of your cycle), this therapeutic blend encourages a calming mood, promotes relaxation, supports estrogen balance, and increases circulation to the uterus and ovaries, nurturing a healthy uterine lining.

➑️ Calm Wombβ„’ Essential Oil Blend: Ideal for the luteal phase (generally the last two weeks of the cycle), this comforting and supportive blend helps to bring a sense of tranquility and well-being during this important phase of your cycle.

➑️ FertiliClearβ„’ Essential Oil Blend: Formulated to support cleansing and detoxification while reducing inflammation within the reproductive system, this blend stimulates liver function, promotes detoxification, encourages the reduction of inflammation, and supports hormone health and balance. Use daily, all month long. If you are actively TTC, discontinue use after ovulation.

➑️ Instruction Cards for the Drop Cycle Method Routine: Easily locate and stimulate the correct acupressure points with these informative cards, featuring detailed instructions for each of the four Drop Cycle Method routines: Follicular Phase, Luteal Phase, Menstrual Phase, and Cleansing Phase.

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

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May 30

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Womb Care Therapeutic Castor oil kit is a powerful tool that includes a special blend of organic castor oil and organic therapeutic essential oils designed to enhance circulation, promote detoxification and support healing wherever it is applied.

The Womb Care Castor oil Kit is a natural and effective solution for promoting reproductive health and easing pelvic discomfort in women. 

Womb Care Castor Oil Packs are a simple, yet powerful, natural therapy that involves applying essential oil infused castor oil to a cotton flannel and placing it on the skin. The pack is then covered with our wrap. While wearing the wrap, the properties in the castor oil are absorbed and used by the body to increase circulation and promote detoxification, while nourishing the skin and underlying tissues.

If you're looking for a natural way to enhance circulation, promote detoxification, and support reproductive health, Womb Careβ„’ Therapeutic Castor Oil Packs help to cleanse the uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. 

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about Womb Care Therapeutic Castor Oil Packs for fertility type PACK in the comments below and I will send you a link to my workshop.

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May 29

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Here is how to prepare you Womb Care Castor Oil Pack for the first time. 

Womb Care Wraps make regular castor oil packs soooo easy. 

πŸ‘‰ If you’d like to learn more about Womb Care Castor Oil Packs and how to use them for supporting reproductive health type β€œPACK” in the comments and I’ll send you a link to my Castor Oil Packs Introduction.

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May 28

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Designed to help you experience:

Regular cycles and overcome:
➑️ Lack of ovulation
➑️ Short/Long luteal or follicular phase
➑️ Cycles longer than 35 days

Healthy menstrual cycles and overcome:
➑️ PMS, cramps, mood swings
➑️ Heavy, light, or missing periods
➑️ Spotting

Healthy circulation to reproductive organs and:
➑️ Improve uterine lining and support implantation
➑️ Improve cervical mucus
➑️ Support cleansing and detoxification
➑️ Stress support

For anyone seeking to support general reproductive health as well. πŸŒΏπŸ’•

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

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May 27

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Acupressure is a form of traditional Chinese medicine that involves applying pressure to specific points on the body using fingers, palms, or specialized tools, instead of using needles as in acupuncture. 

The goal of acupressure is to stimulate the body's natural healing mechanisms, restore balance to the body's energy, or Qi, and promote overall health and wellbeing.

Self-Acupressure is something you can do for yourself if you understand how to locate the points on your own body. In DCM I teach you which points to use, how to find them on your own body and stimulate them for each stage of your fertility cycle. 

This allows you to have an effective self-care tool that you can apply in the comfort of your own home, at a frequency that allows you to get the most benefit from your efforts. 

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

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May 26

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Like acupressure, reflexology is another method that involves the application of pressure to specific points on the feet, hands, or ears. The goal of reflexology is to stimulate the body's natural healing mechanisms, promote relaxation, and restore balance to the body's systems.

According to reflexology theory, specific points on the feet, hands, and ears correspond to different organs and systems in the body. By applying pressure to these points, reflexology aims to improve circulation, reduce tension and stress, and promote overall health and wellbeing.

In DCM I teach you how to incorporate both self-acupressure and reflexology into a daily routine to support reproductive health during each of the phases by working on the uterus, fallopian tubes, endocrine, thyroid and liver points. 

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

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May 25

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By nourishing our bodies, minds, and spirits, we can create a fertile ground for our fertility to thrive, and a life that is rich with meaning, purpose, and joy.

naturalfertilityinfo

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May 25

Open
Like acupressure, reflexology is another method that involves the application of pressure to specific points on the feet, hands, or ears. The goal of reflexology is to stimulate the body's natural healing mechanisms, promote relaxation, and restore balance to the body's systems. 

According to reflexology theory, specific points on the feet, hands, and ears correspond to different organs and systems in the body. By applying pressure to these points, reflexology aims to improve circulation, reduce tension and stress, and promote overall health and wellbeing.

In DCM I teach you how to incorporate both self-acupressure and reflexology into a daily routine to support reproductive health during each of the phases by working on the uterus, fallopian tubes, endocrine, thyroid and liver points. 

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

naturalfertilityinfo

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May 25

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Acupressure is a form of traditional Chinese medicine that involves applying pressure to specific points on the body using fingers, palms, or specialized tools, instead of using needles as in acupuncture.Β 

The goal of acupressure is to stimulate the body’s natural healing mechanisms, restore balance to the body’s energy, or Qi, and promote overall health and wellbeing.

Acupressure is something you can do for yourself if you understand how to locate the points on your own body. In DCM I teach you which points to use, how to find them on your own body and stimulate them for each stage of your fertility cycle.Β 

This allows you to have an effective self-care tool that you can apply in the comfort of your own home, at a frequency that allows you to get the most benefit from your efforts.Β 

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you’d like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

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May 24

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To best support your fertility, having a clear understanding of the monthly fertility cycles can make a big difference. 

Swipe through to learn about the different cycles and which fertility products and therapies are best to use for each cycle. 

Save or share if you found this guide helpful.

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May 23

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My newest Fertility Therapy for fertility support!

Drop Cycle Method is and all-in-one solution combines the ancient wisdom of self-acupressure with the natural healing properties of essential oils to support each stage of your fertility cycle. 

Experience a natural, holistic approach to enhancing your chances of conception and overall well-being.

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility, type DCM in the comments below, and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video. 🌿πŸŽ₯πŸ’§

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May 23

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Introducing my carefully crafted blends designed to support you throughout your fertility journey. Discover the transformative benefits of each blend and find harmony within your cycle.

1️⃣ Radiant Wombβ„’: Embrace the first two weeks of your cycle with this specially formulated blend. Crafted using 100% organic essential oils, it encourages a calming mood, supports hormone balance, and increases circulation to the uterus and ovaries. Nurture a healthy uterine lining and radiate fertility from within.

2️⃣ Calm Wombβ„’: Step into the luteal phase with tranquility and well-being. This 100% organic comforting blend provides a sense of calm and support during this crucial implantation phase. Embrace the journey with a peaceful heart and invite harmony into your womb.

3️⃣ FertiliClearβ„’: Give your reproductive system the cleanse support and detoxification it deserves. With this 100% organic blend, experience the power of stimulating healthy liver function, promoting detoxification, and reducing inflammation. Create a fertile environment by embracing the body's natural ability to heal and rejuvenate.

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

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May 22

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A healthy lifestyle is not just a path to a better body, but a path to a better life, where we can manifest our deepest desires and wildest dreams.

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May 22

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Here are my favorite 7 essential oils for hormone balance and how to safely use them. 

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility, type DCM in the comments below, and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video. 🌿πŸŽ₯πŸ’§

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May 21

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πŸ₯š In the past, a common belief was that the only factor which determines ovarian and egg health was age. 

Based on new studies, we now know that this may not be true. 🀯

There are many factors that can have an impact on the health of the ovaries and eggs including environmental factors, hormones in the diet, and stress, just to name a few.

In addition, having healthy fertility is based on many additional aspects to consider, including:
➑️ Proper circulation
➑️ A healthy fertility cycle
➑️ Balanced hormones
➑️ Healthy eggs

Egg health is one of the cornerstones of healthy fertility. 

The health of your eggs (ova) can affect whether or not fertilization and implantation will occur as well as the viability of a pregnancy.

During the cycle of an egg’s journey towards ovulation, there is a window of opportunity, a period of time, when certain factors can affect the health of the eggs that are preparing for ovulation. ⏳

This journey takes about 90 days. 

The steps you take today will impact the health of your eggs 3 months from now. 

That is why I talk so much about taking a MINIMUM of 90 days to prepare for pregnancy or IVF/IUI. 

πŸ™‚ The good news is that there are steps you can take to help support the health of your eggs. There is too much info to put into this tiny caption but….

Type EGG if you would like me to send you my Egg Health Checklist that takes you through all of the steps to take.πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

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May 20

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Did you know that you can use therapeutic essential oils to help support hormonal health?

Yes you can, but keep a few things in mind...

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ Quality of the essential oils
πŸ‘‰πŸ½ Proper use and timing (there are certain essential oils to avoid after ovulation)
πŸ‘‰πŸ½ Proper dilution

πŸ™ŒπŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.

naturalfertilityinfo

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May 20

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πŸ‘‹πŸ½ Unlocking the Power of Reflexology for the Endocrine System 🌟

Step into the world of healing self-care as we dive deep into reflexology and its incredible impact on the endocrine system! πŸ‘‹πŸ½βœ¨

1️⃣ Balance: Discover the key reflex points on your hands that correspond to the thyroid, pituitary, and liver. By stimulating these points through reflexology, we can support these vital systems for optimal hormonal health.

2️⃣ Thyroid Harmony: By focusing on the thyroid reflexes, we aim to regulate the thyroid gland's function. Balancing thyroid activity can enhance hormone production and improve overall fertility health.

3️⃣ Pituitary Vitality: The pituitary gland, known as the master gland, plays a crucial role in regulating reproductive hormones. Reflexology can help stimulate the pituitary reflexes, promoting hormonal balance and supporting fertility.

4️⃣ Liver Rejuvenation: The liver is responsible for detoxification and hormone metabolism. Through reflexology, we can enhance liver function, aiding in the removal of toxins and promoting hormonal balance for improved fertility.

5️⃣ Holistic Fertility Support: By supporting the thyroid, pituitary, and liver through reflexology, we create an optimal environment for fertility. Balanced hormone levels, improved detoxification, and enhanced hormonal regulation contribute to overall reproductive well-being.

🌟 Embrace the transformative power of reflexology and unlock the secrets to supporting your endocrine health for improved fertility.

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility, type DCM in the comments below, and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video. 🌿πŸŽ₯πŸ’§

naturalfertilityinfo

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May 19

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There are so many great ways to use essential oils to help support fertility and reproductive health. The main uses I focus on are:

🌼 Hormone health
🌼 Period health
🌼 Regulate a cycle
🌼 Reduce stress
🌼 Detoxification and regular cleansing

πŸ‘‰πŸ½ If you'd like to learn more about using essential oils for fertility type DCM in the comments below and I will send you my Introduction to Drop Cycle Method video.
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